Harry Potter's Journal
by Suicidal Tears
Summary: Harry Potter finally defeats Voldemort. After stumbeling upon Harry's Journal, someone reveals quite a shock unto herself and to us.
1. Prologue

Summery: Harry Potter defeats Voldemort. He 'puts on a face' to make everybody happy. After all- he just defeated Voldemort... why shouldn't he be happy? Someone comes across the 'journal' that he writes/wrote in. They end up reading a very horrific tale of how he defeated him and what he went through to defeat him: feelings, thoughts, actions, usages, ect...

Harry Potter slumped down next to the bathtub. He only had a few moments before people would become suspicious of where he went. He buried his hands in his face. He sighed and bit down on his hand before running it through his hair. Bringing his hands back to his face, he felt something warm upon his hands. He looked down. He wretched into the toilet upon seeing the blood. He had see far too much blood when he-

"Harry?" his name being called brought him back to reality.

"Hmm?" he wondered aloud.

"Are you alright?" asked a familiar voice.

"Fine. Just taking a moment to myself."

"In the bathroom?"

He could help but let a slight chuckle out. "Yes, I know. How strange. Anywhere else, though, and people would just keep on congratulating me. I just needed a moment," he said, opening the door to a bushy, brown hair girl of roughly seventeen years of age.

"Are you sure you're all right?" she asked again.

He smiled down on her. "Yes, I'm sure. Now, let's get back before they send a whole search party to look for me," he joked.

"Harry, that's not funny," she said with a tone or seriousness.

"Yes," he answered with a weak smile, "I know it's not funny. But really? What took you guys three days to find me?"

She looked up with a grim smile upon her lips. "No one ever told you?" Harry frowned upon hearing this. He replied a shaky no.

Hermione sighed. "This wasn't supposed to be this way..." she trailed off. "Come on, I think we need to have a talk with Dumbledore." Dumbledore was one of the lone survivors that Harry did not consider family.

"No," he said and tugged on Hermione to get her to stop, "let's go back to the party and we can ask him later."

She looked upon him with a grim expression. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I don't want to worry Mum... she doesn't need anymore of that." The year before Harry started his seventh and final year at Hogwarts, the Weasley Family finally officially adopted Harry; Remus was Harry's god-father.

And yes, I hate to admit it, but Remus _was_ Harry's god-father. Now, Harry didn't have a god-father. He'd gone through two of them, keeping both of them barley two years. Remus Lupin had died while fighting of the Death Eaters in The Final Battle.

"There you are," said Molly, "we were starting to get really worried over here. We were about to send-"

Hermione shook her head franticly, looking like, 'this is not a good time'. Molly only nodded in acknowledgement. "Well, come on then! Mustn't keep the guests waiting, now would we?"

Harry shrugged at Hermione and left with Molly. He scrunched up his face before finally setting off into the magically enlarged laving room of Potter Manor he had accumulated on his 18th birthday.

Upon entering once again, he say that they partygoers had change the décor once more. A new banner now strung across the ceiling saying, "CONGRATS ON DEFEATING HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAME" which then flashed to, "HARRY POTTER, THE BOY-WHO-LIVED-TWICE."

Harry brought his hands up in frustration; bring the banner down along when he brought his hands down. With his needing to defeat Voldemort, Harry had taught himself wandless magic, as no one else was able to do anything. He often got visited by some well-known teachers (Godric Gryffindor and Merlin, for example) while he was unconscious for some unknown reasons.

Everybody vocally voiced his or her displeasure until someone was smart enough to put it back up. Harry shot that person an evil glare before bringing it down in flame. People screamed to get out of the way. He looked at them like they were crazy before finally saying, "What? You think that I'd actually let you get hurt? All that the fire did was scorch the paper. No more fire... look."

People looked up and say nothing more. Then, Ron walked up besides Harry. "What was that for, mate? Not gonna let people have their fun?"

"Ha-bloody-ha, Ron. They can have their fun, sure! But preferably not 'congrats on defeating 'he-who-must-not-be-named''. I mean, they can't even say his name and he's gone for good! Oh, yes! And then, 'Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived-Twice'! How original."

"How's Luna?" he asked, changing the subject.

He grinned while answering, "good! She's in her fourth month already. We've already decided on Harry if it's a boy and Luna says Harrietta if it's a girl, but I said no. Didn't think you'd appreciate that, mate."

Harry just groaned. "Harrietta? Oh my, I feel sorry for whoever's gonna be called that. Surely enough people are going to name their kids after me... just like you and Luna."

"Hey," he mock hurt, "we were gonna name him Harry even if you weren't the boy who lived."

Harry laughed. "You know what Moldy-Wart called me?" he asked.

Ron shook his head. "Nope. Never told me that one."

Harry laughed again. "When we were dueling before, he said, 'God, Potter. They should call you the Bloody-Boy-Who-Won't-Die'."

Ron smirked. "Well, that can we arranged." With a wave of Ron's wand, a new banner in blood red and silver (Gryffindor and Slytherin) said, "HARRY POTTER, the BLOODY-BOY-WHO-WON'T-DIE".

"Ron," said Harry.

"Huh?"

"You know, for that... I'm gonna have ta hurt you."

Ron gulped. He gulped and then ran; ran for his own life.

Harry just laughed and turned to talk to someone he didn't even know.

((Time-Lapse))

Harry slumped down on the couch around six am. They had just been able to get rid of all the people who wouldn't be spending the night: The Weasley's, Luna, Hermione, and Harry himself.

Soon Harry felt the couch dip down. He opened a weary eye-lid to see Hermione. She looked up. "Who made that banner?" she laughed.

"Ron did. I told him about Moldy-wart calling me the 'Bloody-Boy-Who-Won't-Die', so he decided to put up the banner." She laughed once again.

Harry closed his eyes once again. Hermione then looked down at Harry. "Harry?" she prodded.

He opened a single eye again. "Hmm?"

"You really should get to bed, Harry. Sleeping on the couch is not a good idea."

He looked up at her again. Then he sighed. "No, I guess not, but I don't think I can make it all they way up to my bedroom. Help me then stay with me 'till I fall asleep?" he asked.

Hermione smiled. "No problem, love."

Nobody knew when or how, but one day it seemed that Harry and Hermione were finally going out together. All anybody could think was, "about bloody time, too," and welcomed their newfound relationship.

Hermione helped pull Harry to his feet where she proceeded to put an arm around his waist and his arm snaked its way around her shoulders. Somehow, they made it up two flights of stair to the master bedroom, which was now Harry's.

Harry lay down. Hermione sat herself at the edge of the bed, right next to him. She ran her hand through his hair before finally declaring him asleep after only minutes. Getting up to go lay down next to him, she spotted a book open to the first page on his nightstand.

_My Journal _

_Property _

_of_

_Harry James Potter_

Hermione couldn't stop herself so she took the journal and sat down next to Harry. She started to read entry number one, August First, 1996.


	2. Chapter One

_August First, 1996_  
  
Albus Dumbledore. How I hate that man. Name? My name? Hi, my name's Harry Potter, but you'd get that if you actually read the Property of. Strange. Since it's August First, I'm now sixteen. Dumbledore, that man he is, sent me this. He says that I must write in this often. If I don't, I'll get in trouble. He thinks I need to start expressing my feelings.  
  
How am I feeling? Like crap. I haven't been given more than a piece of bread in two days. They let me out, sure, but what would I do? Where would I go? I just get out of the house to get out of the house. I stay away from them; they stay away from me- or else.  
  
But every time I go out, I get followed. Usually, it's Tonks. She'll make herself look younger than she really is; that way she can 'blend it'. I don't think purple, pink, or blue hair is 'blending in'.  
  
Great invention. This can't be opened by muggles. So, with that said, I go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I'm going into my sixth year and all. God, what do you put in a Journal?  
  
Well, how about: Voldemort's after me? He's been since I separated his body from spirit on October 31st, 1981. That night he killed my parents. My dad, James Potter, was killed first. He told my mother, Lily Evans, to take me and run; that he could hold him off: but he couldn't. He was killed with two quick words.  
  
Mum ran into the nursery to get me. No sooner than she got there did Voldemort come.  
  
"Not Harry, Not Harry, please not Harry!" "Stand aside, you silly girl… stand aside, now…" "Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead-" "Not Harry! Please… have mercy… have mercy…" Then shrill laughter. Mum screams. All I know.  
  
I hear that _every time_ I go near a Dementor. I've had enough encounters to last me a lifetime. What? Like, three maybe four times in third year and then again last summer. I almost got expelled because I used the only charm that can propel away a Dementor. What idiotic Ministry workers we have, no?  
  
More about Voldemort, you say? In first year, my best friends Ron and Hermione helped me save the Sorcerers Stone from Voldemort. First we had to get through a three-headed dog, devil's snare, and flying keys to get to a giant chessboard where Ron sacrificed himself. Then Hermione and I went passed a sleeping troll where we then came upon a potions riddle. She went back with Ron, flew up the trap door, and sent a letter to Dumbledore. I went on alone.  
  
Quirrel was standing there, looking in the Mirror of Erised. He said stuff like, I see myself with the stone, but how do I get it. Voldie then told him to use me to get the stone. My mirror self dropped it into my pocket 'cuz I wanted to find it, not use it. Voldie then proceeded to tell Quirrel to get the stone from me and that I was a liar. He couldn't touch me. My mum died to save me. The rest is History- literally.  
  
Second year? Oh, yeah: Chamber of Secrets. People thought that I opened it up, though I really didn't. I figured the rest of it out with the help of Hermione, even though she was petrified. In her hand was a piece of paper explaining about Basilisks and how they don't kill unless looked directly in the eye. She then, on the back, wrote how he was getting around through school: PIPES.  
  
Someone died when the chamber was opened last time. I said, what if she never left. Ron looked at me like I was crazy until I said Moaning Myrtle. We, as in Ron and I, grabbed the DADA Professor and made out way to her bathroom. A sink had snake ruins on it: how convenient. I opened it. Oh, now'd be a good time to say that I can talk to snakes. Down there, a wall collapsed when Lockhart tried to use Ron's busted wand and it backfired. I went deeper into the chamber to rescues Ginny.  
  
Once there, Ginny was on the ground, almost dead. Tom Riddle, A.K.A Lord Voldemort, called out his snake to kill me. Then Dumbledore's Phoenix Fawkes came down with the sorting hat. I put it on and out came Godric Gryffindors sword. I stuck in through the Basilisk's mouth and killed it, but a fang got caught in my arm. It started to spread. I had killed the Basilisk, yet it was killing me.  
  
Then Fawkes landed next to me and his tears healed my arm. Good bird, he is. Tom was mad, to say the least. I then took the fang and stuck it in the diary. The memory of Tom was dead! Hurray! Sarcasm, people, pure sarcasm.  
  
Uncle Vernon came in. He says, what are you writing in, Freak?  
Me: A Journal my Headmaster sent me.  
Him: Read it to me.  
Me: (shakes head): I can't. Him: Why not, Freak?  
Me: Headmasters orders.  
Him: Then let me read it.  
Me: Can't do that.  
Him: Why not, Freak.  
Me: Well, you can try. I don't know what you'd get.  
Him: (looks dumbfounded)  
Me: It means, muggles can't read it.  
Him: What you call me, Freak?  
Me: (grins) Muggle.  
Him: And what the hell's a Muggle?  
Me: (grin gets bigger): Non-magic folk. Him: Don't speak to me like that, Freak.  
Me: (Blank expression. Scribbles: be right back)  
  
Very shaky writing with water droplets: Oh god, oh god, oh god. Scratch the part about 'I hate Dumbledore'. He's the worst person ever. Worse than Voldemort. Oh god. Oh _god_! I haven't been… wait! Oh, who cares who can read this. Oh god! I haven't been beaten since- I don't know when last!  
  
Oh god. (Gingerly touches side) I'm dead. Well, I'll be soon enough. He kicked me, he punched me, oh god. What do I do? Oh god! I can't go out now, Tonks and such will see me! Oh god. Oh _god_! It hurts! Why me? _Why does this always happen to me?!_ Oh god. I can keep writing to the order, but someone will come up and check on me because I won't go outside anymore. Oh god! What do I do?  
  
((End of Entry One))  
  
((Second Journal Entry))  
  
_August Fourth_  
  
I just finished sending the letter to the Order, not like they'd care one way or the other about me- they just want me for one thing: to get rid of Voldemort!  
  
Well, what about what I want? He killed my parents. He killed Cedric. He killed my _god-father_! Why can't I just live a normal life? With a mum, dad, no Voldemort and no worries? God, I killed Cedric, just like I killed Sirius! It's not fair! I just should have taken the cup… I should have known that it was a trick with Fleur and Krum dropping out like that. Snape: I can't forget that we forgot about him. My god, how dumb am I? It's just like Hermione says: I have a thing for saving people. How do I stop when I'm worried about the people I love?  
  
Going on from last time, third year. For once, I had a break from Voldemort. Well, just the physical form of him, at least. Once we were done visiting with Hagrid one day, Ron, Hermione and I found Scabbers (Ron's pet rat), and were going back to the castle when he ran out of Ron's grasp. Ron chased him when a great grim-like dog dragged him toward the Whomping Willow. Of course, we followed. Once in, we found Ron on a bed.  
  
But you'd never guess who the big dog was. It was my god-father, Sirius. Well, not that I knew that at the time. He was, in fact, a 'murder who was out to kill me'. Then came Remus Lupin, that years DADA teacher. Hermione told me not to believe him because he was helping Sirius into the castle. Then she said that he was a ware-wolf. Sure enough, he was, but anyways. Then Snape came. He disarmed Lupin and me. Then Hermione disarmed him and he fell unconscious.  
  
Sirius and Remus told the story of Wormtail. Then they transformed him into his human state. What a horrific state. Just ask Ron and Hermione what he all did- too much to put down. Then we left with Snape. But, it was the full moon and Remus hadn't taken the Wolfsbane Potion, so he couldn't control his mind. Sirius went after him and Hermione and I went after Sirius. I soon found him by the lake. Surrounded by Dementors. I went to help ward them off, but didn't do any good because actually, I have no clue. Hermione took to the Dementors like that 'cuz she wasn't used to them and couldn't think up of a happy enough memory. Then, I thought I saw my dad come and set a Patronous on them, but later (when Hermione and I went back in time) I found out that I really did that.  
  
I can't put it all down, 'cuz lots of it's boring.  
  
Fourth year? Tri-Wizard Tournament. Well, more like Quad-Wizard Tournament. There were supposed to be one from each school, but somehow someone slipped my name in (yet again, go to someone else for further details). I was only in the fourth year and everybody else was in the Sixth year and above. Not quite fair.  
  
I had to go through three tasks and the last one was a maze with many obstacles. At the end, it was only Cedric and I. We both took the cup, which happened to be a portkey. Wormtail killed Cedric. Then Voldie and I dueled. What fun. Our wands can't battle each other, so the reversed the spells. I saw everybody come out of his wand: freaky. Mum and dad said hi, Cedric told me to take his body back. I did.  
  
Mad-Eye Moody (the years DADA teacher) took me to his office. He then proceed to tell me about his plans. Just as he was about to kill me, Dumbledore and some other teachers came in. It turned out he was Mr. Crouch's son using the Polly Juice Potion. What fun.  
  
Fifth year I was totally kept in the dark about what was and was not happening. Then, some Dementors decided to come and attack me. I had to stay at Number Four for a while until some people of the Order came and got me. Once I got there, it was strange. I blew up at Ron and Hermione 'cuz they didn't tell me what was going on. Remus and a few others told me what was happening. Again, what fun. Nothing new.  
  
School was sucky. Umbridge took away me being able to fly. She made me write lines with a pen that scratched the line into my hand. Started the DA (too much to put down). Went to the DoM to rescue Sirius. He ended up not being there. We (me and some people from the DA) fought the Death Eaters as well as we could. I smashed the prophecy. Voldemort wasn't happy with me for that. He tried to kill Dumbledore but wasn't able to.  
  
Sirius' cousin killed Sirius. But it was my fault. All my fault. The only way to make it final is if I was actually holding the wand. I miss him; I miss him so bad. I killed of Remus' last link to the past. Oh God, he'll hate me.  
  
Letter from the Order already. Be right back… I'm going to read it and all.  
  
Ah, just the normal letter. Hey Harry. How are you? Tonks says she hasn't seen you out side lately and we were just wondering why. We all hope you're well. Remember; don't blame yourself for his death. It wasn't your fault. Please, talk to someone, Harry. Ron and Hermione are starting to get worried.  
  
My reply: I'm fine. Leave me alone. I need to think. I'll be outside soon. I've just been very busy inside lately.  
  
Not very convincing, but I know it will do. Now, what to do about my back eye and my limp and I'd be set. I'm pretty sure that I've got a broken rib or two and several bruised, but I doubt there's anything I'll be able to do for those. I don't even know if the Dursley's are home now. I think what Uncle Vernon did scared him away. He knows that if the Order finds out he could be in a lot of trouble. Too bad for him! I think I'll venture outside later today.  
  
((End of Entry Two))  
  
Harry rolled over in his sleep. Hermione, out of fright, closed the Journal. Seeing that he didn't wake, she carefully got off of the bed. She then placed Harry's Journal on the bed and proceed to the bathroom. Once she got back, she sat back down on the bed. One hand held the Journal and the other ran through his hair.  
  
(((((((((({{{{{{{{{{!}}}}}}}}}}))))))))))  
  
I'd like to thank of all my reviewers. You don't know how much reviews mean to me! Bisous. Niahiem Davids.


	3. Chapter Two

_Harry rolled over in his sleep. Hermione, out of fright, closed the Journal. Seeing that he didn't wake, she carefully got off of the bed. She then placed Harry's Journal on the bed and proceed to the bathroom. Once she got back, she sat back down on the bed. One hand held the Journal and the other ran through his hair._

((Entry Three))

August Fifth 

My response of 'I'm fine. Leave me alone. I need to think. I'll be outside soon. I've just been very busy inside lately,' was probably not the best thing to send. ((Glares at Lupin)) He's here to pick me up, less then a day after the letter was sent, too.

Well, I've been doing my best to glare at him from a sideways glance. The right side of my face is looking away from him. I've got a nasty hand shaped slap from my _Uncle_ this morning and a black eye.

"Harry, what are you writing in?" he asks. My reply is simple: my Journal.

"I never knew you had a Journal," he says. You never asked, I want to say, but refrain from it, answering: I've only had it since my Birthday. Dumbledore sent it to me and told me I had to write in it or else.

"Do you have to write in it now?" he asks. I look at him as best I can from my one good eye. Yes.

"Harry," he starts and then stops. He tries again: "Harry-" I sigh and close the book in defeat.

((Third Person, no one's POV))

"Thank you, Harry," said Remus.

"Yeah," was the only reply he got.

"Harry… can you please look at me, Harry?"

"No."

Remus just stared at him. "Why not?"

"Because I can't."

"Harry- I need you to face me, otherwise I will have no choice but to make you face me."

"No!"

"Harry," came the stern warn of Remus. Harry sighed and turned to face Lupin; some might say because he was afraid of what would happen to him while some might say that he was afraid of the reaction he would have to the hand slap across his face. The some who said the first choice were right: he was afraid of what Remus would do if he wasn't obeyed.

Harry sighed and turned to face Lupin, his head hung low.

"Harry, I need you to look at me," he said again.

"I am."

"Harry, please?"

He shook his head. Lupin took a step forward. Harry backed up out of fright. Harry was now against the wall and felt the bed dip with the weight of Remus sitting on it. He reached for Harry's face and tilted it upward.

He gave a gasp and dropped his hand. Silent tears were now running down Harry's face.

"Harry… who did this to you?" he asked. Harry didn't answer and the tears kept coming freely. "Harry, please tell me who did this to you." Harry shook his head and looked away. He then grabbed his Journal.

Lupin reached into his pocket and shoved something at Harry. "Emergency Portkey. Hold on. It will go off in… three- two- one-" he said, and Harry felt the familiar tug.

Harry landed with a thud next to Lupin in the middle of an empty Hospital Wing at Hogwarts. Remus then proceed to pull Harry towards a bed.

"Harry, stay _here_. I'll be right back with Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Poppy. _Don't move_, please." With that, he was off.

Harry sighed and wiped away the tears that he had cried. Then, he reached into his own robes and grabbed a quill and ink well.

((Third Entry, continued))

He took me to Hogwarts. I've been told to stay here and wait. If I don't, I'll only get in more trouble. Too bad I don't have my wand with me, otherwise I might be able to hide it and just say, "I have no clue what Lupin was talking about!" As if that'd ever work. And I think the 'Lupin' would give it away, too.

What did I do to deserve this? Was it because I was born? Because I never took Malfoy's hand? No, it's just because I'm Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Live- a title I've never wanted, yet have to be stuck with.

((Third person, no one's POV))

"Harry?" asked Professor Dumbledore. Harry put his Journal in his lap and the ink well and quill back into his pocket. He then looked up.

Poppy gasps and McGonagall let out a muffled cry. Dumbledore's eyes lost their twinkle. Harry looked away while Remus repeated his question: "Who did this to you, Harry?"

Harry remained quiet. Luckily, he had on a long sleeve shirt. Lupin had come to get him after Harry had made breakfast and after he dressed. Otherwise, they would have seen the hand marks that had grabbed his arms to lug him down the stairs and they would have seen numerous scars- old and new- on his left.

He had started a bad habit: cutting. The freshest of were last night. Subconsciously, he traced the curves on his left arm.

"Harry?" asked Lupin again, brining him out of his stupor. He turned to face Lupin once again. "Harry, _please_, tell us who did this to you. Then we can help you. _Please_."

Harry remained quiet. Lupin kneeled down next to Harry's bed and took his hand into his quite larger one. "Harry, please, _please_, tell us who did this to you." Harry risked looking at Lupin and saw tears falling down his face. Harry shook his head.

"I can't," was all he said.

"Please, Harry. If not for me, for the sake of Sirius. I know he wouldn't like to see you like this and would do anything to help you, just like I. But I can't do anything unless you tell me who did this to you. Please."

Harry shook his head and leaned back. He voiced his feelings just this once, "I killed him, Lupin, I killed him," he sobbed. He rolled over to avoid looking at Lupin again and ended up falling off the bed. Once on the ground, he wrapped his arms around his legs and continued to cry, full out, for the first time since he died.

Lupin walked around the bed and sat next to Harry. He then picked up the boy and sat him in his lap. _'He barley weighs a thing,'_ thought Lupin. At first, Harry tensed up, but after a while, he leaned into the embrace of the werewolf and cried.

"Shhh, Harry, it's all right," he soothed. Albus, McGonagall and Poppy walked around and sat themselves down on the bed opposite them. Once Harry was done, he looked up at Remus and whispered, "You must hate me," and crawled off his lap. Fortunately for Lupin, he thought Harry might try to, so he grabbed him back.

"No, I don't hate you," he said, placing Harry back on his lap and moved him around so he could get comfortable. He then rapped his arms around Harry and pulled him into a hug. "No, I don't hate you, Harry. I could never hate you."

"But I killed him. Oh god, I killed him!" Soon, Harry had cried himself into a deep sleep. Poppy nodded to the bed that he was leaning against. Lupin stood up with Harry still in his arms and placed him on the bed. McGonagall stepped back.

"You didn't need help," she stated. Lupin shook his head and voiced his earlier thought, "he barley weighs anything."

"Minerva, Remus, take a side along Harry. I need to wake him up so I can check him over, but I doubt that your help won't be appreciated." They nodded and Lupin stayed where he was and Minerva walked around to the other side. Poppy raised her wand at Harry, and the lowered it, shaking her head. She turned around and came back with a couple potions bottles. "Calming droughts will be needed, I'm afraid." She then placed them on the table next to her. Raising her wand once again, she woke him up.

Harry's eyes fluttered open as he took in the sight around him. He finally groaned as he remembered why he was here.

"Harry," said Poppy, "we need you to take off your shirt so I can check you over."

Harry's eyes grew wide and he shook his head, sitting up.

"Harry, please," said Lupin from his left. Harry went right, only to be blocked by his transfiguration Professor. Harry kept backing up to the back of his bed until he could go no farther, all the time shaking his head.

"Harry, please," said Lupin again. Harry looked at him with pleading eyes. "I'm sorry," he said, "but if you would have told me before, we could have helped you a different way."

"Harry, please, just take off your shirt," said Poppy.

He shook his head no and said, "you," barley above a whisper. He closed his eyes as Poppy, Remus, and Minerva came in closer. Harry tried, with bad results, not to flinch when Lupin put his hand on his left should and the same with Minerva. At the same time, they reached down for the bottom of his shirt and pulled up quickly. Harry's arms came up along with the shirt. Once it was off, Poppy looked at him and let out a gasp.

On the left side of Harry's torso was a huge off-colored bruise. Harry probably had no fat on him anywhere: you could see his ribs; he was skin and bones. His right arm had several hand marks that were probably of the same handprint that was on his face. His left arm…. his left arm had cut all up and down the length of it. Some of the cuts were bleeding, some were day-old cuts and others looked very old.

Lupin whispered, "How much of this did you do yourself?" He dreaded the answer to come.

Eyes still closed, Harry answered with the wave of his left arm.

"Harry, can you please roll onto your back for me?" she asked quietly. Tears had sprung into his eyes by now, but he did what he was told to do.

On his back were welt marks and red slashes made where his hands could not reach. Some of the welts were bleeding while others weren't. Poppy grabbed three vials of a thick, white substance and handed one each to her two helpers. She poured a little on her fingers and rubbed them on the open wounds, causing Harry to hiss out in pain.

"Only put this on the open cut, please," she said, "I have to get some other potions. I'll be right back. Don't let him out of your sight." With that, she left.

"Harry," whispered Lupin again, "who did this to you?"

Harry shook his head the best he could while still on his stomach.

"Harry, please. _Please!_ If you tell us who did this, we can make it stop. You won't have to go back to your Aunt and Uncles anymore. _Please_, for the people who love you."

"But that's it, Lupin, no one does love me," said Harry with his face facing toward the Transfiguration Teacher. She saw tears that continued to fall down his face.

"But people _do_ love you. I do. Sirius did. What about Ron, Hermione, Ginny, the rest of the Weasley gang? Harry, you have so many people who love you," said Lupin.

Harry turned his head to face Lupin. "Think for a minute, Lupin. _You_ love me and Sirius did? I highly doubt that. I was and am your only link to the past. You love me because I'm James' son, not for me. It was the same with Sirius. Ron and Hermione are friends, and I don't even know if I can say that about Ron much longer. He's jealous. If he wants to switch lives, I have no problem with that. Ginny? She just has a crush on The-Boy-Who-Lived, or at least did. The Weasley's just have me over because I'm a friend of Ron's. They don't love me. They never will."

"I have and Aunt and an Uncle who hate my guts, call me names, call my parents hoes, bitches, and bastards! They didn't want to take me in, but they _had_ to: Dumbledore made them! And, now, to top it off, they beat me! And you, because you don't want to loose the last thing from the 'good days', came and checked up on me. To what? Drag me to this hell whole where you think that putting some crap on my back can make it all better? To tell me that you love me; that I'm needed to save the world from Voldemort." By now, Harry was sitting up and Lupin was sitting on the bed next to Harry. He had taken to being called Lupin very hard and had tears streaming down his face, as did Harry.

"Well, you know what I've been thinking lately, even though I may not have written it down in that dreaded Journal that bastard of an old man is making me write in, is: 'I wonder what it would be like if Voldemort killed me.' After all, I would be with my mum and dad. But then again, you blessed people wouldn't have the Savior of the Wizarding World. Your lives would fall to shambles because he's killed off family members. I don't want it any more!"

"I want to be normal, to live a normal life. To have a mother and a father who love me for who I am. I want friends who look at me as a friend, not the damned bloody Boy-Who-Lived. I want to not be afraid of getting close to anyone just to have them die- _because of me!_ I don't want to have to go through almost getting killed at least once a school year because of the man who killed my parents is after my blood."

"No, actually. If I could just be told what I am, who I'm part of, what I'm involved in, and what I have to do- _with in a reasonable limit_- I wouldn't mind being the bloody Boy-Who-Lived. You know what that damned bastard did? He kept the prophecy from me. That prophecy is my whole life now! Has he bothered to tell you?" Lupin nodded his head. "And how long have you known?"

"Since I started working here as the Defen-" he started.

"So you've known longer than I have, in other words. He kept that from me. He told me he tried to tell me, but I doubt that, too. I can _not_ grow to trust that man anymore after what he's done to me and what he's still bound to do to me! God, I'm the weapon he was talking about before. I have to be murdered or be a murderer, Lupin! I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and it won't be off until I kill that blasted damned fool!"

((End of Third Entry))

Hermione wiped her eyes. That's why Harry was in the hospital wing. That's why Harry and Remus Lupin hadn't gotten on along well until the end of the year. He blamed himself for the death of Cedric… for the death of his God-father! '_And he never told anyone_,' though Hermione.

She looked down on Harry, hand still moving through his hair. She shifted the book to her lap and continued to read, wondering if he still cut.

AN: A semi-edited version… I went over and did a few grammatical errors and re-worded part of it, too. No different, really.


	4. Chapter Three

_Hermione wiped her eyes. That's why Harry was in the hospital wing. That's why Harry and Remus Lupin hadn't gotten on along well until the end of the year. He blamed himself for the death of Cedric… for the death of his God-father! 'And he never told anyone,' though Hermione. _

_She looked down on Harry, hand still moving through his hair. She shifted the book to her lap and continued to read, wondering if he still cut._

((Entry Four))

August fifth 

After my beloved show of yelling at Lupin, they tell me I went into a fit of hysterics. Poppy gave me the three vials of the Calming Draught she had and then one for malnutrition, welts, belt marks, black eye, bruising, swelling, broken bones, and the Dreamless Sleep Potions. What fun all of them were. Lupin had to a have a Double Draft of the Calming Draught and was still a total wreck.

I am now officially stuck in the hospital wing for a week, and then I am allowed to wander the castle. Professor Dumbledore thought it _wise_ not to send me back to my aunt's and uncle's. I mean, I'd rather be stuck there than- oh, erm- maybe not, actually.

Dumbledore's now set out to read what I've written, but I won't let him, though I don't know how long I can hold him off with it. I mean, I just can't go up to Lupin and ask, "can you make sure Dumbledore can't get my Journal?" nor to Poppy, McGonagall or anyone else.

Well, my beloved hag of an old man, if you're reading this, then I guess I did a pretty bad job, did I? You ruined my first ten years of my life by leaving me with people who hated me and left me in a cupboard under the stairs with little and no food for my daily punishments along with the beatings they were so kind to give me. I never got a beating, I guess, until the past couple of days, so thanks.

Every guess that they had put bars on my window one year? Multiple locks? A cat-flap so food could be shoved in? And half of that had to go to Hedwig, too.

Great news! Dumbledore is bringing in a shrink to talk to me twice a week! Though, some pretty good news I guess, Dumbledore's lifted the life-ban on Quidditch for me- praises to heaven! Now I'm starting to sound very freak-ish.

Now, I just got finished with soup- soup! Soup is all that they give me after I haven't eaten in days! And they're making sure I eat it all (or at least a decent amount). While I was sleeping, they put the rest of the ointment on my back and put some on the bruises, too, so I'm kinda wrapped up like a mummy. It hurts to lie on my back because of the welts and such, but even worse on my stomach because of the giant bruise. Poppy has to change the wrappings twice a day for two weeks and then once a day for two more weeks- oh, the pure bliss! Oh, and speak of the devil- looks like its that time!

Touch the page! Here!

((Pause of Third Journal Entry))

'_Should I really touch that?_' thought Hermione. Then she noticed a side-note that read: _this is really cool. I got a spell from Hermione that told me how to put in my thoughts into a picture… kinda like Tom's Diary, but I promise, mine's not bad. Oh, ya, today's May 13th of my seventh year, though I remember this day like no other._

Hermione smiled. If she came up with this spell, there was nothing wrong. She would be like a ghost that moved solidly. She touched the page.

((Um, whatever you wanna call it- the scene that Hermione gets to watch))

Hermione landed rather comfortably on a bed that was right next to Harry's. She noted that he was, yet again, writing in his Journal. _Probably the last paragraph that I read,_ she thought.

"Harry?" came a voice.

"Just a sec," said Harry and scribbled one last thing.

_Strange,_ thought Hermione, as Poppy walked in, _I just read this last part and now I got to watch it. _

"Mr. Potter, time to change those wrappings," she said.

"So much as I guessed," he mumbled.

From what Hermione read, she could tell that the beating was bad. But when Poppy had taken off the bandages, she couldn't help but gasp.

The ointment that they had put on Harry's torso for the bruises weren't helping much. First hand experience would show that the bruising covered Harry's entire left side of his middle and even continued around to his side and faded off on his back.

Poppy was lightly coating the bruise when Harry hissed out in pain. "Strange," she murmured, "it shouldn't hurt unless it comes in contact with broken skin… Can you please lie on you right side for me, Harry? I have to see something before we continue on."

He rolled over and propped a pillow to lean on comfortably. Poppy bent down next to Harry's side. She cast aside a spell that would make the ointment glow a light pink. Hermione moved around to Harry's side of the bed to get a closer look. A faint pink glow covered the upper portion of the bruise and continued down the side of his body until the end of his pajama bottoms. Poppy pulled Harry's bottoms down about an inch further. Where the pink stopped, she bent down.

Upon further inspection, Poppy found four marks. "Harry, do you know what these four marks are from?" she asked. Hermione saw Harry's eyes get big and he took in a deep breath.

"No, I don't," he said and made to sit up.

"Oh no you don't, Mr. Potter," said Poppy, "I need to figure out what these marks are from. Cooperate, it'll make it much easier on yourself."

Harry sniffed and slumped back down. "Now, I'll ask again, where did you get those marks from?"

"What marks?" asked Remus Lupin.

"Here. Come look. Harry claims that he doesn't know where the four marks came from. Where do they look like they came from to you?"

Remus walked over next to Poppy. He ran his fingers over the marks. He blinked- and ran his fingers across again. And again. "No," muttered Lupin, "Harry, please- please tell me that you did this yourself."

"God-damn it, Lupin," Harry screamed, "you knew!" He got off the bed and made for Remus. Remus backed up. "You knew and didn't tell! You knew he rapped me and still didn't tell!" Harry's hand flew up to his mouth. "No!" Harry stumbled backward. "No- no- no- I didn't say that. Oh my God! I HATE YOU LUPIN!" Harry turned around and ran to the hospital doors to find out that they were locked.

"GOD FUCK YOU ALL!" he screamed at them and the doors opened. Vials flew to the floor and crashed. Windows shattered, glass broke, beds shuddered, and Remus, Poppy and a Hermione Granger no one could see, fell to the ground.

Back in the Headmasters office, Albus Dumbledore felt the outburst. Staff members in their cambers, in their classrooms, or in the staff office felt it. Hagrid looked out of his window. Birds flew out of the forbidden forest one after the other.

Every person made his or her own way to the hospital wing to see Harry Potter, lying on the floor, sobbing his head off in a heap on the ground. After a few minutes, he stood up and yelled to everybody before throwing everybody within fifteen feet of himself, "GOD FUCK YOU ALL!" He then collapsed onto the ground.

Hermione stood up. Poppy was the first to recover. She rushed forward to Harry and carried him to his bed. There she continued to put the ointment on his bruises and then wrapped him up again, not daring to do his back. She the proceeded over to the staff members and woke everyone up. She made everyone leave except for the Headmaster and McGonagall. They helped her lift Remus onto a bed.

"What happened here, Poppy?" asked the ageing Headmaster.

"I was putting on his ointment when he hissed out in pain. This specific ointment does not hurt unless it touches open kin. I made him turn over so I could see his side better. I found four marks about where his bottoms ended. He didn't seem to know what they were until I said 'four marks'. He tried to get out of it, but I wouldn't let him, so I asked him again. Then Remus came in and asked what marks. I decided to let him look."

"He ran his hand up and down along the marks and muttered something like, "no, please tell me you did this yourself, Harry," and then, well, I guess Harry just blew up. He screamed at his that 'he knew' and then got up. He kept yelling that 'he knew and didn't tell anybody'. Then he screamed- oh my god!" She threw her hands up to her mouth and shook her head. "No- it can't be! Oh my. That's why Remus said please tell me you did this yourself. Harry screamed, "You knew he rapped me and still didn't tell!". Oh my word!"

Albus looked appalled and McGonagall started to sob. Soon, Hermione found herself back on the bed.

((End of the 'Hermione gets to see' thing))

Hermione found herself in exactly the same position as she left when she came back. She quickly wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeve. She quickly felt eyes boring into her and turned to look. Her eyes settled upon Harry- with his eyes open. He had tears streaming down his face while he was looking at Hermione. He quickly got up off the bed and made for the door. Hermione quickly got up after him. Harry stopped and turned around. The look in his eyes made Hermione stop dead in her tracks. He continued on.

"Wait," she said, coming back to her senses, "Harry, wait!"

"Just finish reading the entry, God-Dammit!" He said and slammed the door closed behind him. Hermione closed her eyes and settled down again on a near-by chair. She continued to read.

((Entry Four continued))

Magical breakdowns are not easy on the body, less on the person who experiences my wrath before I'm completely healed. And that would be Ron- one of my best mates. I was sleeping and woke up to someone shuffling around the things in my trunk. I sat up and Ron was sitting on my trunk, reading my Journal. MY Journal! I got so mad at him that he flew backward with a shock and my Journal flew to me. He crashed into the wall. Poppy came in and asked what was wrong. Ron tripped and fell, I say. He just glared at me. She then left. So, what were you doing… reading my Journal and all, I ask.

"I was going through your trunk to find the invisibility cloak so I could go to the kitchens and found your Journal. You know, you really should hide it better if you don't want people to read it," he says.

Me? Hide _my_ Journal so no one can read _my_ Journal? Hence, it's _mine_ so I shouldn't have to hide it, I say. Then I add, how far did you get?

"Why should it matter to you?" he snaps.

Because it's _my_ Journal? I ponder.

Ron's face softens. "You really hear that every time you go near a Dementor?"

I sigh with relief. Yes, I mumble.

"Sorry, mate," he mumbles, "still, can I borrow your invisibility cloak?"

I can't help but grin. Sure, I say.

He leaves and I'm left to my thoughts. Now, I know that Ron didn't do that purposely, but still. It's just in his nature, I guess.

Now, Hermione… my other best mate. She, I could trust to not open the Journal. She, I could trust to keep a secret if I told her not to tell. She's just there for me and I know she never would read my Journal without asking me first- that's just Hermione for you. To tell you the truth, (blushes) I think I kind of fancy her. But with Ron fancying her, I can't do anything: he'll just think that that's one more thing the Boy-Who-Lived has over him.

((End of Fourth Entry))

Hermione looked down at the words over and over again. She'd broken Harry's trust in her. How she was going to build it back, she didn't know. But Harry wasn't able to leave the house and the kitchen had a ward around it so he couldn't do anything with ill attentions. Just then, the book opened it's self. She walked over and watched writing appear next to the end of the entry.

_August Fourth, 1998_

_She broke the trust I had in her_, it formed_. We've been dating since Christmas, and I just felt like she would never do this. She's been reading my Journal… without asking me first! I thought I could trust her!_

_The stupid Order has wards up so I can't leave unless someone's with me. I'm not allowed in the kitchen unless someone's with me, either, and the potions are in there for this killer headache I have! They think I'm going to run away, or try to kill myself. I don't think that they think that I'd do anything other than with the knives. I've actually never thought of that before, killing myself, but right now, it does seem very comforting. I mean, I've done my purpose- I've killed Voldemort. What else can they ask of me now? The war killed Remus and I wasn't found until five days ago, to weak to do any magic still. And now I find out that they didn't start a search party for me right away. Thanks for that piece of information, Hermione. And yes, I know you're reading this right now and I know you want to read more. You're my reason that I don't kill myself right now._

_Finish reading, fine with me. Yes, we're still getting married on the 14th of August, so you don't have to worry about that. I still love you with all my heart and hope that you can except the fact that I didn't want you to know any of my past. I've tried to keep it a secret for to long. I've built up magical energy enough so I could apparate out, but I won't because I'd only end up going after Dumbledore and he wouldn't stand a chance against me and I _really_ don't feel like spending time in Azkaban for killing someone, even though I know a lot of other people want him dead- Remus and I for example. With all the hell he put me through, he's lucky that I haven't killed him yet._

_And what nerve does the man have to ask me to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts! Oh, and get this! He wants me to go _back_ in time to teach! And he's the one that said you couldn't tamper with time! Ah, the old man! Hermione and I have to discus this. I'm willing to go _only_ if she goes with me. We would leave five days before September first. If you want to read on, read on now. If you want to talk now, we can talk now._

The writing stopped. Hermione smiled. She was getting married to the man of her dreams and more. She wasn't going to let something like going back in time to stop them from being together. She set off, Journal in hand, to go look for Harry. They had a lot to talk about, weather or not it was Journal related or not.

AN: again, just a semi-edited version of chapter three. I stress the 2 crucial ideas that I guess I did not make clear: Harry cut as a teenager (not going to say about now) and that he is going _back _in time to teach DADA. Hence, where chapter Five comes in handy, with the Marauders being mentioned and all. BTW, I could use a beta.


	5. Chapter Four

AN: note the years after the dates, otherwise it may be confusing.

-'-

_The writing stopped. Hermione smiled. She was getting married to the man of her dreams and more. She wasn't going to let something like going back in time to stop them from being together. She set off, Journal in hand, to go look for Harry. They had a lot to talk about, weather or not it was Journal related or not._

-'-

"You still trust me?" their conversation ended.

"Of course; forever and for always more."

-'-

August 6th, 1996 

After that lovely show with Ron, I went to bed. And when I woke up, guess who was there, waiting to talk? None other than that shrink Dumbledor got to talk to me.

Who does Dumbledor think he is? Getting another old coot to talk to me?

August 7th, 1996 

Son of a bastard had no reason to start reading my journal yesterday. Thank Merlin I woke up when I did.

_How far did you get, _I asked.

_Albus Dumbledor isn't as bad of a man as you make him out to be, _he said.

_He's as bad and worse, if I want him to be, _I said. _Now, hand over my journal._

_What do you say, _he asked.

I was shocked. _What do _I _say? What do you mean? It's _my_ journal; I don't have any need to say 'please' to make you give me back my journal._

_Now, _he said, _no need to be rude. _

_You're the one being rude, reading _my _journal. Hand. It. Over. _I said, and made the journal hotter to hold each word I said.

_Ouch! _He said, and dropped it. Sneering, he said, _so, we have a moody elemental on our hands, do we?_

_Elemental? More like a pissed of teenager. No get the hell out of here before I make you._

_Is that a treat, _he asked, amused.

_No, it's a warning. I don't need a wand to physically get you out of the hospital wing, moron. And I don't need physical strength, either. Get out! _I said, angry.

_What do you say, _he chided.

I _don't have to say anything._

_What do you- hey! What the bloody hell are you doing to me?_

Making _you get out, _I said, pushing him faster, still lying in my bed.

_Mr. Potter! _shouted Poppy. _He is a visitor!_

_He is violating my rights as a human being! _I shouted and shoved him out of the hospital wing with a final shove, sending him flying into the adjacent wall and slamming and locking the doors.

_I need to tell Dumbledor about this, young man, _she said.

_Tell Dumbledor? Bull. You want me here, don't you?_

_What do you mean?_

_You tell Dumbledor-_

_A threat! _She said, _I'm telling Dumbledor this too!_

_-and I go 'poof'! _I said and aperated out, hearing her voice echoing.

_Very funny, Mr. Potter! No one can aperate inside Hogwarts grounds and even if they could, you're too young! Now show yourself, you little trouble maker!_

_August 8th, 1996_

Pure bliss. No more Hogwarts, no more worrying. I think I'll take a little nap now.

_August 13th, 1998_

A day before the wedding in which I'm getting married to the most wonderful woman of all times. I can't wait, but I am so bloody nervous! A honeymoon to the south of France for four nights followed by five nights in Cancun, Mexico. Corny as they sound, we both agreed on them.


	6. Chapter Five

**Ok, so here's the picture:**

**Over 775 people have at least been to my story and yet, I only got a few reviews. I'm not complaining about those reviews, but is it so much to just say, "hey, I liked your story," or, "hey, I hated your story"?**

**Guess so. I didn't want to have to put a story this way, but if that many people are stopping by the page and these few of people review, no more story. That'd be extremely sad, because I really don't want to end the story. Maybe I'll write and send the chapter to the people who review. So this will be the last chapter unless I get some feed back of any kind here.**

**One very pissed of author.**

**And I love all you reviewers who did that- review. Keep reviewing and making me happy!**

"Welcome! to another year at Hogwarts! While it is a school, and learning is done at schools, this year will not only be filled with many feasts, as today itself, but with balls and many kinds of activities on various holidays. Some may be familiar with this, but to others, enjoy your stay at Hogwarts and enjoy the feast!"

"He obviously got better at speeches over the years," mumbled Harry as he scooped up some potatoes.

"Harry!" she hissed, and hit his hand, causing him to drop the spoon and a few to look at him.

"What?" he hissed back as Dumbledore stood again.

"And my, my, how the brain gets old," he said, "but I would like to introduce you to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Mr. Harry Granger and his wife, Mrs. Granger."

There was the polite clapping as they stood, and then sat back down. "Did you tell him our last name was Granger?" asked Hermione out of the side of her mouth, still smiling, "because I very much like being called Hermione Potter now!"

"You think I'm that crazy? I told him I wanted the job, that I had the application, was ready to take the test, and that my name was Harry Potter and that my wife would be staying with me!"

He poked at his potatoes and watched as a piece of chicken went dancing past the table.

He looked up at the _dancing _chicken. And then he heard music. The _chicken _was dancing to the chicken song.

By this point people were laughing their heads off.

And the Harry noticed that the chicken had strands of hair coming off of its head and a strange shaped nose.

He stood up, enraged, and stuck his hand toward the chicken. The music stopped, and as the music stopped, the chicken stopped dancing. _Then _there was a loud pop and where the chicken had previously sat was a bewildered looking younger version of Snape.

"And I know who did this!" said Harry, looking at Hermione with a somewhat appalled, somewhat amused expression.

"_But you're new!" _hissed Hermione as she pulled him down to his seat.

"Doesn't mean that the Gryffindors will be very appalled to find out that they have now lost ten points apiece," he started, as there was a collective groan, and he made Hermione look toward the four trouble makers, "thanks to James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin!"

Hermione looked shocked. "How could he- what!" The she smirked and looked at her husband and said, "that son of a bastard!"

AN: I stress again that Harry has gone _back _in time to teach DADA, hence the marauders being mentioned. And a huge thank you to all the people who have reviewed so far, these chapters are just an edit of what I have done, by myself, to improve the story. Nothing has been added, or taken out, just two ideas stressed. And a BTW to those who are out there… I really wouldn't mind a beta. It's tough looking over your own work for mistakes.


	7. Chapter Six

Harry stepped through his office door along with his wife who took a seat next to him at his desk.

With the flick of his wand, a giant yellow arrow (with feathers, of course) hovered around his wand.

"There is no need for introductions," said 'Professor Granger', "as our beloved headmaster introduced me yesterday right before the great show of Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, Mr. Pettigrew, and Mr. Lupin." The arrow floated around and pointed to each in turn.

"Now," he said and made the arrow dissapear, "there is no need for that as we go through the rest of roll call. And may I say now, gentlemen, that absolutely no pranks will be tolerated."

"None at all," he said before James started to groan. "Unless, you plan on giving up your spot of captain of Gryffindor house."

A knock rang throughout the classroom. Professor Granger went over and opened it up. "I sure do hope you're not abandoning class on the first day of school, Professor," he said, to Professor McGonagall.

"No," she nodded curtly, "but I need Potter for a moment. About last night's showing and-"

"to tell me I made Captain," he finished.

"Yes, but-" she stuttered.

"Ah," said Harry, as he tapped his head, "but I knew," which earned him a slap from his wife.

"What!" he said, "I did! Plus, there should be no slapping, as well as no pranking in this class."

"You did that just for me!" said his wife.

"Yes, so what if I did? I may also have done it for someone else."

Professor McGonagall stood gaping for a second before she straightened up and said, "well, Potter, Black, Pettigrew, Lupin. I need you all in my office for detention at eight every night this week."

"But Professor! Quidditch," said Black.

"Then Potter will have to schedule it earlier in the evening, now, won't he?" and with that, she left.

"Put-" started Harry.

"Do you have a wish of two detentions a night?" he asked as he started a spell.

"What?" asked James.

"Put. It. Away."

"There will be _no _wands out unless I say so. Understand?"

James and the class mumbled.

"Understand?" he asked again.

"Yes, Professor," everyone chanted.

Harry sighed and turned to his wife. "And this was supposed to be a fun class, I didn't want to have to yell on the first day nor teach a lesson. I didn't have one planned."

"Awh, Professor! We don't need a lesson," said Sirius.

"You don't?" asked Harry.

"No! This could be a study hour!" he said.

"On the first day of school?" asked Harry.

"Well, erm-"

"But, I agree. You don't need a lesson on the first day. I was gonna let you ask questions," he said, "but since you all _want _a lesson…"

A hand raised. "Yes Rachelle?"

"How old are you?" she asked.

"Turned eighteen this past July," he said.

"_He's married!" _someone hissed and Harry rose and eyebrow.

"Might I add," he said, pulling his wife next to him, "that this _is _my wife. We got married not even a month ago."

"How'd you get the scar on your forehead?" asked someone.

"Ah, hand please. Yes, Elizabeth?"

"How'd you get the scar on your forehead?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Nervous habbit," he said before Lily could raise her hand.

"_Stop it!" _hissed his wife.

"What? Oh, yes, really should."

"I got the scar when I was one. Someone cast a spell on me and it backfired. It killed my parents, too."

"Wow," said someone.

"I didn't know it could happen that way," said Lupin.

"Well, it- really didn't happen… in that order, I guess. Next question."

"How did you know what I was going to ask? And that James would be Captain?" asked Lily.

"Uhm, well… that's kind of- an _unfortunate-_ uhm, side effect? That should not, ah, of really been asked, but that's not your fault."

"When you battle as often as my husband has and for such a dark cause and with the same person, it often shows that once in a while… uhm…"

"Powers can be switched," read John. "It's extremely rare, happening in an approximate one out of one hundred cases ever studied. It's so rare, in fact, that half the people end up dieing from the loss of power on their behalf and-"

"-and the sudden surge on the other's," finished Hermione and added, "sorry, mind blank, Harry."

Harry blinked and stared at his wife. "You know what you basically told them?"

"What?" she asked without worry.

"That I'm more powerful than the average wizard."

"I didn't-" she started, "ooo… but, I did, didn't I? Oops?"

He sighed.

"Again?" asked Hermione and Harry nodded. "I'm really sorry, Harry."

"It's alright, Hermione. No, that's alright, I'll do it by myself."

"Ah," she nodded in understanding, "selective?"

He sighed again. "yeah, hopefully I won't have to say everything all over again…"

"I'm sorry, Harry," she said truthfully.

"It's alright, I know you didn't mean to do it, just like I didn't mean to."

He sighed and this time erased only the memory of this conversation and the fact that he knew what they were going to say. He sighed. That was the _fourth _memory charm he had placed on this class within the last hour and a half. Luckily, the bell rang shortly afterwards and everyone got up to leave. Hermione had fun giving people a pick-me-up charm as most of them couldn't remember what their Professor and his wife had been talking about moments ago. As soon as the charm hit them, thought, they really didn't care…

For the next class, Hermione sat down with Harry's journal.


	8. Chapter Seven

August 12, 1996

Holy crap, did I take a long nap! Guess that's what I get for doing all that magic.

Guess I should probably start at the beginning, too. I actually woke up yesterday, and out of my bag I applied muggle make-up, covering up my scar, and I bleached my hair and cut it, too. Then I made a trip to Diagon Ally and visited several bookshops. Then I got all my school supplies and snuck into Nocturne Ally and got a few books on improving my wandless magic.

But low and behold, who owed this specific store? None other than-

"Neville?" I asked, shocked. He laughed.

"Close," he answered, "I'm his older cousin from the States. My uncle, not related to Neville in any sort of way, died and left this place to my parents and I needed a summer job… so they 'hired' me. By the way, how do you know him? I don't remember him talking about any blonde in his grade…"

"That's because I'm not… well, I am in his grade…" I started.

"Oh," he said, "I get ya. That'll be 37 galleons, and 17 knuts. "Say," he said in an undertone voice, looking around cautiously as another costumer entered the store, "do you need help with this stuff? I just graduated from Chicago's Instutit of Fine Witches and Wizards last year and will be attending their College this year for study under wandless magic and the dark arts. I've always wanted to become a teacher, and since I excelled in those subjects…"

"They teach wandless magic in the states?" I asked, shocked for the second time today.

"Not really, but it was an extra class offered for those who held the top five percent for three straight years, so I took it. But the college offers it, yes. It's a great class. Why, doesn't Hogwarts offer it?"

I shook my head and he rung up the same costumer and watched as they left.

"So, what'd you say?" he asked. I just looked at him.

"How can I be sure I can trust you?" I asked.

He laughed. "Well, first off, I'm Neville's cousin. Second, I'm about four years older than you. And third, you can follow my family line all the way back, and not one of them was a dark wizard. Maybe crazy," he said, seeing my look, "especially my uncle, owning this store and all, but never once did he sell any dark books. You want proof?" he asked, rolling up his left sleeve, which bored no mark.

"I have to find somewhere safe, first," I said, and seeing his confused expression, added, "you'll have to find out later. I'll be back, don't worry. But there are two things you can do to help me gain your trust just a little bit quicker. First, your name, and second, you could place this spell on my wand or you could let my use your wand to place it, either way would be fine with me."

me garder sûr, et me garder bien, ne pas les dire de me fascino! Poiché me ha tento, et me garder bien, et ne pas les permettre d'attraper il fascino… non userò questo per malvagio, pour si je fais, Nessuno troverà ciò che è successo a me.

(keep me safe, and keep me well, do not tell them of this spell! since you kept me safe, and kept me well, and didn't let them catch the spell… i shant use this for evil, for if i do, no one will find what happened to me.)

With the spell cast and Neville's cousins's name (Chard), Harry left but kept his promise to Chard and showed up after he found a safe place... the Shrieking Shack, to be more specific...

It's made up, by me… half French, half Latin and half made up words that sounded cool! Lol. Actually, its all real words but it would make no sense to a foreigner or in a translator… I had fun, so sue me.


	9. Chapter Eight

**An: Sorry about the wait, but I just realized that I had over fifty reviews and decided that I should write more even though I'm not liking what I did with the story but oh well. For a while it's just going to be journal entries… maybe I'll make a _story_ story with the… story… and this will just be the journal. I'll have to think about that. I'm also sorry for I have just written this chapter and have not had time to read over it for spelling or grammar mistakes. Please bare with me.**

August 13, 1996

So this Chard dude turned out to be all right.

He's helping with "word-less magic". He told me that that's what's taught in the sixth year of schooling. It took me a while, but I pretty much have the hang of it.

It's really nice to be using my wand again, and especially not getting any owls for it, thought Chard did bring up the fact that someone (such as Dumbledor, that fucking idiot he is) may be walking by and sense all the magic going around. So, now we're stuck inside Flourish and Blotts looking for a spell (me) or a potion (him) to put up around the shack. So far, he's come up with something similar a potion that does just the same things as wards do, but we're trying to figure out how to alter it so either magic doesn't get out or/and if it does, make it untraceable.

He said something about fairy dust, because in a sense it repels some little creature and said that it could do the same against Dumbledore. I said why not get fairies and ask them to attack him when he comes, if he comes? He just laughed at me, and even harder when I mention dragon's blood. He said that Dumbledore came up with the seven uses of Dragon's blood, so he'd easily be able to guard it off.

He stopped laughing when I explained my idea, as far-fetched as it may sound.

I suggested that we make the wards act like a dragon. As in, if nothings causing it any harm, it wouldn't do anything to it… but if it starts probing (in the case of the wards) or bother the dragon, it would start to attack… like spurting fire or biting with poison. But the most important thing was how we were going to do it.

I showed him the spell that I assumed we could change. It bended the wards from beign just wards to being like an invisible army when… "danger was in the air."

I thought we could just change it to 'dragons blood' instead of' blood of the enemy' in the ingredients list. Lucky for us, Chard had one vial of it left. We cast a 'notice-me-not-charm' over it, to top it off, along with an invisibility charm.

Chard also showed me this cool thing where he can do a little 'show' of the spell or charm. He conjured a miniature house in the middle of nowhere (literally, we were in the middle of no where- we apparated to some desert in America, I think) and showed me how to cast the spell that would show what happened, in a sense.

At first, we saw the dragon walking around the makeshift house. After about five minutes when we were about to give up, it started to disappear. Another ten minutes later, and the only thing you could see of the dragon was when it breathed fire, you could see the fire. Chard said we should be able to alter that real easily.

Then he made sticks start attacking the dragon and the house… it was quite funny watching them burn in mid-flight.

We assumed it would work and were quite astonished at the amount of magic it required for us to cast and really astonished at the state of the dead bunny and owl the next morning, not to mention a pile of ash.

We had to wait and see how it turned out against a human, and neither of us was willing to test it out.

It was the letter that I assumed the owl carried that was left unharmed that was truly mind-bending for me.

Dear Mr. Potter,

Included should be Mr. Black's will, but under certain circumstances (your missing being the main one), it shall not be delivered to you until you show. The meeting is for the 14 of August in my office. Hope to see you there.

Sincerely,

Professor Dumbledore.

PS

I am sorry that this letter got to you so late, as the other thirteen owls could not find you. This one was sent by Fawkes. Surely he won't come back empty handed.

Sure enough, the pile of ashes started moving and out from them bore a baby Fawkes. Ten minutes later, he gave a very nasty cry and was gone with a glimpse of fire, as the dragon itself.


	10. Chapter Nine

August 14th, 1996

So. Today, I was helping Chard put up some wards and all of a sudden, everything went blank. He later told me that I had collapsed and that I scared the shit out of him and I should never do that again. Not like I planed on it.

I thought I was waking up, but as soon as I opened my eyes, a white light blinded me. I sat up and finally noticed that I was on a matching white bed with white linens and a white comforter. I grunted at the white. And that's when things started to get freaky.

All of a sudden, the linens turned gold and the comforter turned a vibrant shade of crimson, the floors matching the crimson and the walls matching the linens. I had nothing better to do, but than look around… of course.

All the woodwork was a deep cherry mahogany color, including the bed, desk and chairs. I got up and was about ready to open up one of the many doors before I heard a cold, menacing voice echo throughout the chambers.

"So we meet again, Potter," drawled Voldemort.

"So we do, Tom Riddle," raising my wand that had appeared in my hand.

"Don't call me that, stupid boy. And I see you don't know where we are," he smirked.

"And you do?" I asked.

"In all technicality," he said, "I do not know the precise location of where we are, being it in your mind. Conjure me a chair, boy."

"Do not call me by that, and I won't call you by Tom, Tom. And how do you reckon I conjure you a chair?"

"This is you mind, boy. Potter."

"Voldemort," I nodded and then thought of a chair.

"Very smart, Potter. Try something more… comfortable next time," he said as he sat down on a wooden chair. "Now, as this is your mind, I can't control you. I don't even have a wand unless you wish it upon me. I am totally and completely in your mercy, Potter, but whatever you do to me here will not affect me in real life. It's mind over body where we are."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"And why are you telling me this?"

"We could be great," he said. "We could be great."

"You already said that," I said.

"I know, but we could be great. There is no good and evil; there is only power and those too weak to seek it. Together we could do extraordinary things."

The next thing I new, I Voldemort had been thrown out of his chair and across the room. I remember feeling this swelling sort of feeling.

He picked himself up as gracefully as a man could and pretended to dust of his robes before he walked over to me.

"Now, you see what anger can do in this- place," he said. "Very well done, Potter. But remember what I said: it's mind over matter and it didn't hurt at all."

"I'm a powerful wizard Harry Potter, and so are you. You have made my life very difficult, and I yours. I have decided to teach you, Potter, as unnerving as it may be."

"And who said I wanted you to teach me?" I asked.

"Me," he said, pointing a scaly finger at himself. "Lesson one: learn. to. control. your. emotions."


	11. Chapter Ten

**AN: Normally, these chapters will only be a journal entry long. But since I've been gone a while, I thought I might as well give more than one or even two. **

**I know I've been gone a while, but I recently just got a computer back.**

August 15, 1996

When I woke up from Voldemort's little thing, not only did I have my emotions in check, but I used how to use that pent up anger toward Voldemort. I think I caused him some damage in the "dream". I definitely wasn't tired anymore, but I felt like I could sleep for ages. I got up and put together a sandwich.

As I was eating, I had a sudden urge to go to the window and look out it. Weird, I know. But still, I went. And sure enough, the wards were glowing a bright yellow; might be because Chard wasn't able to finish them by himself but I didn't know that at the time. And right in front of me was like a sliver of pie taken out of the wards. It wasn't glowing so I got some extra potion and finished the circle with the potion.

Turned out, the wards stopped glowing once they were finished. But Chard said that we still had to cast the dragon part of the spell.

Once it was done, I told Chard what happened while I was sleeping and he started to teach me to clear my mind. I'll admit, I was scared that Voldemort would be mad if I didn't show up, but I figured I really didn't care.

Keeping my emotions bottle inside of me was great because I didn't think of them. It also helped me with the wand less magic and Chard was greatly impressed. He said I was doing third grade material. Soon, I'll have to stop because Chard doesn't know anymore. But this wand less magic this is like second nature to me! And what the hell, it's quite fun, too!

August 16, 1996

It took about ten minutes for the real life image of the dragon to disappear. Quite confusing, I know, but it's not when you think about it.

When you could only see the outline of the dragon, it gave a very distinct and loud hiccup. We tried not to laugh, but couldn't hold it in.

"It's not funny," said a voice behind us and we whipped around. Now it was the voice's turn to laugh when he noted we couldn't see him. Damn invisibility part.

"No need to worry," it said, "I'm just the dragon. Harry kind of put a piece of himself when he made me and didn't know it. You'll now be able to talk to me and me to you."

We both stared at each other and then to where we thought the dragon was. It was quite until Chard voiced his thoughts:

"This is weird." Then I smiled and asked, do we get to name you?

August 17, 1996

Turned out, he had a name. John. How he had a name, I have no clue, but he did.

Anyway, John was kind of like the Hungarian Horn Tail I fought, except he had no horns. So… he's a Hungarian Non-Horned Tail dragon or a Hungarian dragon? He doesn't even know. And I can't ask Charlie, because it'd be too suspicious.

Hermione got a new owl, so her letter got through to me somehow. Maybe this owl's as smart as Hermione, though no owl is smarter than Hedwig.

What? Hedwig's almost five years old now. I wonder low long she'll live. I don't think I could bear to loose her, too.

Chard brought a TV and we're trying to figure out how to set it up with all the magic. I don't think we'd get anyone to come and give us "cable" though we may be able to sneak a connection off the nearest muggle town.

Dumbledore hasn't come over yet, though I highly doubt he will. I'm more concerned about Remus since the full moon is approaching. I mean, I'm still perturbed because he found out, but he's still my guardian.

Mentioning Dumbledore…

Fawkes was furious at me. She visited me earlier today. Strange thing, now that I "killed" her, I can "talk" to her, too. She mainly said she'd agree to keep quite if I'd go back to Dumbledore on the 18th and get Sirius's will and make another appearance publicly so people wouldn't suspect anything. And she wanted to know how I learned to apperate because Dumbledore wouldn't tell her. I just laughed and said that he taught me a year early. She was furious, to say the least: not only had he lied to her, but he had done something illegal. Though, she was proud of me for getting through Hogwarts' wards and she (as in Hogwarts herself) wanted to talk to me after Dumbledore's meeting.

August 18, 1996

Today is August 18, obviously. I'm quite nervous. Fawkes said Dumbledore wanted me to meet him in the Great Hall at noon. It's about eleven fifty eight. Suppose I should go. Wish me luck.

August 18, 1996 (part two)

That stupid son of a bastard tried to tag aparate with me! He held onto me! But Hogwarts wouldn't let him go. Turns out, someone had to call the magical reversal squad to un-splinch Dumbledore.

Now I suppose you want to hear about my stay with Dumbledore… and I'm talking like you're a person. At least I know I don't have to keep writing or die like Ginny did.

First thing Dumbledore did was read Sirius' will. Turns out, I inherited the Black Family Manor along with the Potter Family Manor and Godric's Hollow. Not to mention about a zillion (and I know it's a fake number) galleons.

Dumbledore forgot to mention that I inherited that damned house elf, too, along with the Order. Figured I might as well demand entry before I allowed anymore meetings. It didn't work, though no one's allowed in the "Order" and those who were in it got kicked out. As long as I was at it, I "demanded" entry for Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. I thought about adding the DA, but that would have been too much. And until someone agrees to let us in, I won't "allow" anymore meetings. Tough luck.

Though, Remus is allowed to stay, no matter what he did. Until he entirely defies my trust, he'll always be "family".

Then Dumbledore tried to make me stay. He was going to physically hold me there until I swore I would aparate out, but he ignored me. Half of him stayed in the great hall and the rest, who knows where. Hogwarts then told me she had some special quarters but aside for me.

Off the common room were three halls. One led to bedrooms, and more could be added. Each room had its own bathroom and everything and are all schemed in wood, although they can easily be changed. The second hall held a kitchen cubby and a sort of dining table. The third wing held an enormous library. Hermione sure will be glad for that. Think I'll actually take up reading, as I've been doing so for the past few weeks. During my hospital stay, I re-read all my school books, starting with first year and making my way through sixth year as well. Hermione sure will be proud of me. Hope Ron won't be too discouraged at the fact.

Potion's doesn't seem too hard, now that I actually understand it. Plus, it's so much easier with Chard's help. After all, we did create the potion for the dragon defense mechanism. Maybe I did inherit my mother's art for potion making after all. Though, I am glad I don't have a chance to prove it to Snape.

Chard's school starts on the first of September as well, so he'll leave a day before I do. Think I'll just aparate to a bathroom stall at King's Cross then so I'll "be on the train." And, it'll be less suspicious as well.

Chard's been letting me do all the cooking, so it's kind of like the Dursley's in a way. Not that I have to, though.He has a date with his girlfriend from the states this weekend so I'm home alone. It's nearing ten o'clock at night and I've spent a better part of the day reading. Tomorrow I'm making my apperance in Diagon Ally so it'll be less suspicious. Hope I don't run into Ron, Hermione, or anyone from the order. I may have a lot of explaining to do.


End file.
